A sense of misplaced honesty prevented me from expressing the kind of bursting enthusiasm others did. I forced myself to adopt social conventions like congratulating him on the birth, wishing him more - a baby girl so they have the pair - and delivering a pledge to never question his masculinity again. The last one I delivered in a playful mode. A joke that didn't land.
Consequences: Our common friends got an invitation for the baby's baptism. Did mine got lost in the mail? Did our friendship get lost in the time and distance?
Now, after hours of insomnia, I am writing about this episode from within the deep anguish of he who realizes that thinking away from conventional wisdom is not as bad as being vocal about it. People do not like their friends to tell them about hunger, overpopulation, the destruction of our planet, pollution, corruption, crime, disease, etc. when they are focused on their goal of building a family. After all, that was the primary achievement/satisfaction of those that brought them to the world; and those before them. Is it perhaps better to pretend to care about those puny celebrations of life, instead of portraying a false image of a man that doesn't care about being excluded from them? Maybe this is not a rejection to your way of thinking, but to you? How can I question your most sacred beliefs, and still get you to like me?
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. Better to stick to your guns and risk permanent loneliness? Or should I give in to social convention? Go to school, get a job, marry, have kids... Get a loan, buy a house, pay a mortgage... Lease a car, buy a washing machine, get a garden and landscape it... Dress according to your age, say hi to your neighbor, tell your friend his/her children are beautiful... Grow up. Walk straight. Settle down. Stop chasing your dreams and wait for reality/society/your boss to tell you what you can and cannot do!
Not me. Even if I have to pull out my own hair in despair, scratch my eyes out, bang my head against the glass table... I will not settle... Not me.
Enjoy the damn party! I will gladly pay for the consequences, and the privilege, of being me.